"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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