Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you mean i was at the winter classic?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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