I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
