On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
