My liver just broke up with me...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
