the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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