You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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