i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
