I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
