i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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