If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
