I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
