my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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