is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
