No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
