I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
