Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have fence marks all over my body
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
