God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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