I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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