I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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