her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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