Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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