we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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