theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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