She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
