This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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