is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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