The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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