She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
