i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
