I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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