id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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