It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
