Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm passing your future prison.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
