Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
