if i can run in heels then i can drive
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize