I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
