porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
