If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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