I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
