Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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