You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
