I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That accounts for only three of the penises
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
