Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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