i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
