A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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