So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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