fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
