im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
