my vag is so smooth its legendary
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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