I could make wine with my vomit
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
