My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize