Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
