in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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