there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
