I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
