i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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