I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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