Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
