how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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