Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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