I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
