we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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