You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
